A Letter From my Mother

Mother has been gone for 4 years now. She died February 3, 2006. In between that time there has been a lot of healing from her death. At first I withdrew and tried to cope with my grief alone, which put me into a tailspin of deep sadness but as time has gone on I have accepted her death as part of life. And I realize that this is part of the great plan. We who are born must all die and those left behind must cope with the empty place in life where our loved one existed. This is a cycle to life that we all must go through.

I found a letter from my mother that I saved for many years and wanted to share it with you.

February 18, 1995

Dear Carolyn,

I have been making it a matter of prayer and was awoken by the still small voice last night and given instructions as to what to do. Yesterday your father and I talked in church and I was given the topic of charity which is the pure love of Christ. Arlen had me read Moroni Chapter 7 and his discourse of this subject which I did. I decided to talk on another subject and asked for material from Dixie and Paul and Lori and Allison. Nothing seemed to come together but I felt strongly that Charity was to be the subject.

My mother and Dixie came down which I appreciated so much. It has been very difficult for my mother at this time. She has learned a lot from going to the school of the blind. They teach them not to have any pity parties about their condition but every day they are reminded to have good thoughts of themselves, to hold their head high and treat this as something they need to conquer just as graduating from school or as an achievement. She has learned tolerance and love for all people and to accept the blacks which she has never done before.

They brought the Sacrament to Grandmother Olsen after the meeting. They did not know she was here. They have sent for her recommend and are going to give her a temple recommend which President Hunter says we should carry with us at all times.

These are two great ladies that have lived very fulfilling lives and have given much to others. We have taken care of Grandmother Olsen for 10 years now. Has it been easy for me? No. did I have to work on my attitude and doing it for the right reason? Yes. I made it a matter of prayer so that I could serve her with love and give to her back the things she has given me. You will never know how grateful I was when I married to have her make my first maternity outfits and to help me with you and Jan when you were born. She treated me like a daughter and was so kind to me. I had things in my life that I had never had before. I was so grateful and appreciative of them.

I had a wonderful husband that put his arms around me and gave me love and listened with his heart and was kind and understanding. It is not easy to adjust to being a new mother and a new bride. He was not critical and has never been critical of anyone. He has been my greatest teacher of love and charity.

Elder Featherstone has said, "I promise you that all who faithful attend to temple work will be blessed beyond measure. Your families will draw closer to the Lord, unseen angels will watch over your loved ones when Satanic forces tempt them, the veil will be thin and great spiritual experiences will distill upon this people." I bear testimony that the veil has been thin and great spiritual experiences have been poured out upon me and my family. I have felt warm arms around me in my great hour of need and known what it was like to have the encouragement to go on as I struggled with my own health and watching my children grow with their own families, especially you my daughter Carolyn in bringing all these children into your family. You went through great trials to do this and you have been a great mother to them. I wish they could know your story and know what courage it must have taken to bring them into a home where they were born under the covenant and given these great temple blessings in their lives. The Lord has been with you in your moments of great despair to your heights of greatest joy. Knowing that someone loves you is the loveliest feeling known, that cares and is there for you.

We must work on things that stand in our way of this pure love of Christ. I have seen your struggles, you needs. We are all intermixed with strengths and weaknesses. All of us have problems, sorrows with feelings, hopes, disappointments, all of us misjudged, misunderstood at times, some of us generous, sometimes we are patient, sometimes we give way to temper, but all of us with human ills, misfortunes, loss of loved ones, all sometimes discontented and sometimes feeling blessed and grateful. These are the great lessons the Lord wanted us to learn on this earth.

The Lord placed us here on this planet together on this earth as an eternal family with eternal purposes. He told us to have understanding for one another, to trample no one, to injure no one, to deceive no one. He lifted other men's lives in their sickness, in their sorrows, in their loss and in their loneliness and those who were discouraged and disillusioned with life. Is this easy at all times? Do we struggle with this? Do we try to make our family an eternal family with this kind of love for all--unconditional love. Do we tell our children enough that we love them and how much they mean to us? Do we love all the members of our family unconditionally and pray for them?

I want you to know Carolyn how much your mother loves you and care about you and how much you mean to me. I need to feel your arms around me and to feel this love from you also. I am so grateful you are my daughter and you are a beautiful daughter with much love in your heart. You are an example to others and have given and served well in the church and given much to others when it was hard for you. You have overcome much and made many wonderful friends. The still small voice has given me comfort in the middle of the night as I put your name in the temple and prayed for my daughter. You mean everything to me and I have been on my knees much to know when you needed help and what to do and I have received direction from this hand. I have felt discouragement because I could not be there physically at times for you but I will always remember when my father came to me to give me this comfort and reassurance that he would look over you and your family and give you this care when you needed it. There was beauty and warmth in my father's voice when he sang the Prayer Perfect to me as I was feeling great anguish for you and could not be there for you or my mother when both of you were ill.

Dear Lord, Kind Lord, Gracious Lord I pray.
Thou wilt look on all I love, tenderly today.
Week their hearts of weariness, Scatter every care,
Down a wake of Angel wings winnowing the air.

Bring unto the worrying all release from pain,
Let the lips of laughter overflow again
And with all the needy, O divide, I pray
This vast treasure of content, that is mine today.

When this life is over my greatest desire is to be with my children and my grandchildren--all of them with this wonderful feeling of content--to look back over our lives and know that we have done the best we can and to know that he will forgive our failings and weaknesses and take care of those around us who have not learned this Charity or the pure love of Christ yet in their lives.

With much love and great devotion to my daughter Carolyn and her husband and her family--may you always feel this love from your father and I and know how much we care.

Love, Mother